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(More customer reviews)I initially purchased the Datastroyer 210 Disintegrator for my son's tenth birthday a few weeks ago. He had wanted a Disintegrator for a while, and after searching around and reading countless reviews from world renowned Disintegratoralists, I found that Datastroyer was a trusted brand. It's hard to find quality Disintegrators for less than $30k these days, so this was really a steal.
The Datastroyer 210 is a mid-sized model and weighs in at a little over a ton. The bottomless filter evacuation system and 20 hp motor make it incredibly efficient. We've spent countless nights as a family sitting around the '210 disintegrating until we all end up asleep. Luckily, with its full soundproofing carriage, the kiddos can snuggle right up next to it without ruining their slumber.
For me personally, the Datastroyer 210 has not only brought my family closer together, but has single handedly saved my marriage. I must confess in the early 90s I fell into an experimental beatnik revival troupe based in Portland. In an acid-induced haze we produced a thousand each of sixteen limited edition folk EPs that we tried to sell for money in order to buy a '74 Winnebago to use as a mobile crank lab.
Turns out that plan didn't really work exactly as we had planned. Skinnerd, the troupe leader, was so hopped up on purple mikes that he took out a loan from the bank, bought the records himself, and convinced us all we made ten grand in sales while we did nothing but sit around and breeze.
With the money, we bought the Winnebago and got it set up to start cooking while we traveled the country. Things were going pretty well up until the winter '98, when we got spotted in Nebraska dealing on the edge of a WalMart parking lot at 3 am. It had always been a safe spot for us, the place was always dead that early in the morning, and half of the night crew were tweakers anyway, so it was perfect.
What we didn't know is that night was the night they released Furby - Electronic - Brown Body & Feet, Tan Chest/Belly, White Inner Ears, so the cops were in the area to keep things running smoothly. When old Skinnerd saw the blue meanies he jet, leaving the rest of us high and dry with nearly three pounds of speed in our pockets. We were able to hide out until the cops cleared, and went our separate ways out of fear.
After that incident I was spooked and cleaned up my act. I got married to my beautiful wife in 2000, and had my baby boy a year later. In 2004 we had twin girls, and in 2007 added another boy to our little family. I've never been happier, and wouldn't trade any of them for even the purest scag.
All was good, until late last year when Skinnerd got in contact with me after years of flying incognito. He was a complete mess and had track marks all over his arms. He said he needed a place to hide out until he ditched some detective who had been chasing him the last couple years. Being a respectable guy, I agreed to help an old friend out. That decision almost ruined my life.
You see, after Skinnerd parked the `bago in my garage, he took off again on foot. I figured he would return in due time, but after seven months of no contact, I was starting to get concerned. On top of my concern, my wife was becoming more and more upset that an old drug wagon was sitting in garage in plain sight of our young children.
After threatening to leave me if I didn't do anything, I finally decided to check out the vehicle to see what I could do about it. This was about a month ago now, I believe. What I found shocked me. Skinnerd not only kept cooking after the Furby Incident, but he also started buying and selling dozens of different pills, powders, uppers, downers, and some of the dankest sticky green I have ever smelled. I was horrified. Literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of various drugs were just sitting in my garage for the better part of a year. I knew I couldn't tell my wife about the stash-- she would have flipped out and left me for sure. So, I decided I needed to get rid of it.
I figured selling it was my best option, although I knew my wife would get suspicious if I started bringing home thousands of dollars worth of dirty money. That's when my son mentioned he wanted a Disintegrator for his birthday.
That was perfect. I could get my son his dream gift, while simultaneously dumping off some of my product. After making enough for the Datastroyer 210, I ordered it on Amazon and had it shipped to my office, to prevent my son from snooping. He always has been pretty bad about that. For Christmas when he was five, my wife and I wanted to surprise him with a nice Tony Bennett record ( Duets: An American Classic ). A week before Christmas we heard him singing "Because of You", Bennett's impeccable duet with k.d. lang. When we asked him where he had heard the song we could tell he knew we had caught him. I'll never forget how his eyes grew wide and he started to squirm in fear. Aren't kids just adorable?
Anyway, I knew I didn't want him disintegrating anything before his big day, so I was sure to keep it hidden from him. Everything looked like it was going to work out, so I was happy again.
That is, until my wife stumbled upon the remaining stash while looking for our Shop-Vac 9650600 3.0-Peak HP Pro Series Wet or Dry Vacuum, 6-Gallon in the garage. She really ripped into me about that. She basically told me if the stuff wasn't gone in the morning, she would be.
What a sticky wicket I was in, right? I had probably forty pounds of goods left and nowhere un-inconceivable to hide them. What was a man to do?
That's when I remembered about the Datastroyer.
I drove the Winnebago to my office where I proceeded to disintegrate everything. All of the drugs and drug paraphernalia were the first to go. Luckily, the rugged welded plate construction and multiple flaps of the 210 prevented any flyback of the product, which was good considering I didn't want any angel dust to get on me in the process. The 210 is NSA rated at 525 pounds per hour, so I got through the drugs in just over four and a half minutes. Since that took less time than I had anticipated, I started searching around the Winnebago for any other signs of my past that I didn't want to get out.
That's when I found the records. I knew those had to go, I couldn't risk my wife listening to that stuff-- it was far too personal. So, I dumped all 16 thousand of them into the Datastroyer. The large 12"x16" throat size made shoveling the EPs incredibly quick and easy.
After searching for a few more embarrassing items to disintegrate, I quickly realized that the whole Winnebago smelled like drugs and I would need to find a place to get rid of it as well. At this point, my fingerprints were all over it, and if a cop were to find it I knew I'd be done for. I took one look at the 7 (5 rotor and 2 bed) high chrome/high carbon D2 steel knives on the Datastroyer and was confident it could make quick work of the Winnebago (the '74 is widely known as one of the more compact models, which worked in my favor as well).
Because of the open slant-cut rotor design that improves air flow and allows for efficient cutting, I was able to shred through the entire front end of the Winnebago with no trouble. When I was about halfway through, however, I started hearing something strange coming from the storage compartments underneath the floor. It sounded like a wounded animal. I lifted up the door to the compartment and nearly threw up. It was Skinnerd. He had been hiding out in the bottom of the Winnebago for nearly a year, surviving on nothing but drugs and whatever bugs crawled his way.
I knew I needed to do something about Skinnerd fairly quickly, otherwise he would surely start to rage when he realized what I did to all his candy. Without hesitation, I pulled him out of storage, and led him straight into the Datastroyer. His fleshy body initially clogged the system, but I was able to utilize a few of the 12 electrical controls and was able to reverse the bed knives just enough to unclog it and get it moving again.
The white walls of the machine became caked in blood, but clean up was a breeze, and I was able to disintegrate everything that had been in contact with Skinnerd's blood. I finished up disintegrating the entire Winnebago right as the cleaning crew entered the office building. They were kind enough to give me a ride home after I explained what had happened. Great people.
When I returned home my wife was very excited that I had gotten rid of everything, and we celebrated together by making intercourse.
You see, the Datastoryer changed my life. Without it, I don't know what I would be like right now. My wife would have surely left me, I probably would have developed a taste for drugs again, which would have left me face down in the mud, no doubt. I am forever in debt to everyone at Datastroyer Industries, and I want nothing more in life than to spend my time campaigning for their products-- specifically the 210. Hopefully my little review here will inspire others to buy a Datastroyer Disintegrator for their homes. I promise it will bring your family closer together as it has brought mine. It is truly a remarkable piece of equipment, and should be a staple of every living room across the nation.
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